I miss u..

I very miss u..
I miss u a lot..
I miss u so much..

If that night you didn't come and tell me that kinda stuff,I may feel much better..

I really miss u a lot..
I feel like want to call u..
I wanted to pm u..
I wanted to wechat u..

I restrained myself..
I know I have to move on..
I know I have to get over u..

But now, I really miss u...
I don't know u will reply me or not..
I don't u will answer my call or not..

But..

Even if u do answer my call,
Even if u do reply..
Thing won't change either..

一路走来的我。。

从小到大，那些auntie uncle 都会称赞我美，说我妈妈生的女儿都很美。。
心里是暗爽啦。。但是大了都知这是客气话。。

没有什么特别。。只是想分享照片，这么样从丑丙的我，变成现在的我。。

从 form 5, 17 岁。。
到 lower 6, 18 岁。。
到 Upper 6，19岁。。
然后大学 Year 1，20岁。。
Year2，21岁。。
Year3 ，22岁。。

一路走来，
虽然，不是经过了大风大雨。。
但是也尝试了人生小部分的甜酸苦辣。。

不多不少，也又被一些经历改变了。。
人是该进步的。。
人是会变的。。
变得更好或坏，就看自己了。。
不管是人格，或是外表，人，外在内在也要有。。
因为人，偏偏就是看外表先，后看内在。。
人，是
靠第一印象来判一个人的人格。。

可能有人看我像小混混，援交妹，没前途，读书不成的人。。

但，我是个大学生。。读着心理学。。
不要看我外表来做判断哦。。

嘻嘻。。

其实，
只是纯粹看到朋友post她的照片，从她form5 到大学Year3 ，变得越来越美。。

我是呀，我说呀，有心什么都不是不可能的。。
只有懒人，没有╮(╯_╰)╭丑丙。。
只有有心人，没有╮(╯_╰)╭不可能。。

微笑背后的眼泪。。

我总于鼓起勇气，跟他说分手了。
不需安慰。
不需同情。
不需问好。

我。。很好。。

我发现，分手后，生活没差。。

他的冷落，冷淡，忽冷忽热，已经让我心灰意冷了。。

我，还爱。。
他，早就不爱了。。

他给了我太多的希望。。
然而，请手毁灭一切。。

他把我抬到天堂，
然而，
把我丢进地狱。。

他对我的好，维持了很短很短的一段时间而已。。
他很轻易的把我给放弃了。。
把我们这段感情给丢了。。

为一点小事发我脾气，
我忍。。
对我忽冷忽热，
我忍。。
把所有时间给朋友，
我忍。。
对我不在乎，
我忍。。
他的坏脾气，
我忍。。

他的一切，我也包容，忍耐，迁就，让步。
但换来的，依然是他的冷漠无情。。

为了他，
把我的脾气，丢掉。。
把我的自尊，吞掉。。
把我封闭的心，打开。。

我做错什么 ？
他对我太不公平了。。

但是，分手了。。
他得来的，可能是一时的自由。。
但是，他失去一个很爱他的人。。
而我，
得来的，可能是更好的缘分。。
失去的，是个不在乎不珍惜我的人。。

我恨他，那么的坏心眼。。
把我抬高再丢我下来。。
给了我希望，还有那么多的承诺。。
我会记得他给的所有承诺，没有一个是他实现到的。。

但，爱，依然爱他。。

我整天笑嘻嘻，好想没烦恼。。
我看来不在乎，不看重感情。。

但是，

微笑背后的眼泪，
又有多少人看到。。
坚强背后的煎熬，
又有多少人知道。。

煎熬。。
很煎熬。。
跟他一起是多么煎熬。。
忍受他的一切，是多么的痛心。。

日子依然一天一天的过
地球依然会转，
日出，新的一天依然会到，
生活，依然要走下去。。

Baby, 我还爱你。。
但是， 我知道现在我的爱只是一厢情愿。。

现在，我还你自由。。
你开心了吧。。

Expiry date of a relationship..

If you know there is an expiry date for your relationship..
How would you spend the remaining days with him or her?

I knew my relationship has an expiry date.. Just that , I don't know when..
I wanted to do as many thing with him as possible..

But the expiry date is sooner than I expected..
He already not showing care for me..
Not showing his love for me..
Not showing that he misses me..
Not showing that I am his girlfriend..

Too soon..
Sooner than I expected..
I really feel so heartbroken..
I cried so much..
I hurt so much..
I miss him so much..
I love him so much..

I don't know if I have to chance to take picture with him..
I don't know if I have the chance to do mask with him..
I don't know if I have the chance to wear couple shirt with him..
I don't know if he will attend my convocation..
I don't know if he will celebrate my birthday..
I don't know if I have the chance to celebrate his birthday..
I don't know if I have the chance to celebrate 1st year anniversary with him..
I don't know if I have to chance to see starry sky with him again..

Actually, somehow.. I have a feeling that all these are just dreams, wishful thinking..

I am willing to take a step back for him, but he doesn't make it worth..
I appreciate him so much, he just not bothered..
I.....

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

I hope, we can start over..
I miss the old you..
The old you who care about me, my feeling, and make me feel happy and lucky to have you..

If and only if,
There is Restart button in life..

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

I still love you...
.
.
.
.

Why Make up?

Someone asked me before, what initiate me to make up..
WELL..
It has to do with my exes *Geez*

One of my ex,
he was dissatisfied with my appearance..
He asked why don't i make up, why don't i dress up more. why don't i go and learn make up etc etc..
Yeap.. He asked me these questions..

Hurt my self-esteem a bit..
But I didn't really take it serious..

BUT..

ONE DAY!!

He flirted with TWO girls on Facebook, right in front of me..
SERIOUSLY?? Can't you do it when I'm not around??
YEAP.. As thought I WAS INVISIBLE THERE..
He wouldn't even bother to do it secretly..

OKAY..
From + perspective, I SAW HIS TRUE FACE =3=
Definitely hurt a lot.. BUT I was so stupid, i was afraid that we will end up quarreling and ruin our relationship, I SWALLOWED..
*Applause for my stupidity*

In the end, we broke up as well..
SO, this is the stressor..
STRESSSOORRR....

Later on, I met a Mr Mama's Boy..
Sparks between, chemistry reaction etc etc..
We got together..

He didn't mind about my appearance at all and slowly,
I was desensitize to my appearance..
I gained weight and extra fats + flesh.. (T^T)
But I didn't really care..

Until we broke up..

Our broke up is the TRIGGER...
After the break up, I realized I look like ... Auntie in the pasar..

I definitely has lower self-esteem,
I started to worry about my appearance..
I feel insecure..
I feel I have no more market value..

Thus, I took the courage to make the first step..
I bought my very first BB cream in Watson or Guardian..
That was Maybelline's Clear Smooth BB Cream #01 Fresh..
I didn't even know the appropriate way to apply..
And I didn't know that we choose base according to our skin color and not according to the skin color we desired.. (=.=)'''

Yeap, I looked like an OILY ZOMBIE..
Later on, I searched and searched a lot of make up tutorial in Youtube and searched a lot of beauty blogs..
I realized that all the beauty bloggers and Youtube make up gurus used luxury brands..
MAC, Bobbi Brown, Sigma Beauty brushes, Urban Decay etc etc..

I was thinking, how come they are so rich?

Slowly, I continue to practice and wipe off and practice and wipe off..
STUPID right?
Progressively, I bought my very first eyeliner pencil, IN2IT waterproof gel liner..
Because it was the cheapest I could find in drugstore..
I had trouble with the pencil eyeliner.. It was so difficult to eyeline with pencil..

Then i bought liquid eyeliner, Maybelline..
Had trouble with that too..
Eyeblinking make the liner to transfer before it could dry..
DAMN~~

Then, I switch to use compact powder.. Easier for beginner..
I continue to search for makeup tutorial for beginner..
Learn and practice practice practice..

Discover and experiment more with various brands..

Now..
My top 3 favorite brands are!!!! Not drugstore brands anymore.. I used to like Maybelline..
1. ETUDE HOUSE!!
2.CYBER COLORS!!
3.KANEBO-KATE!!

Okay, KATE is available in drugstore but it is a more high end drugstore brand..

YEAP!! My favorite favorite brand of all is ETUDE HOUSE.. Mostly is because of the Princessy design of product.. But the quality is there..

I have tried Maybelline, SIlkygirl, Elianto, ETUDE HOUSE, DR YOUNG, BAVIPHAT, CYBER COLORS, IN2IT, Za, KATE, Peripera, HOLIKA HOLIKA so far..

I experiment a lot with many products.. Did some research online too regarding the products I targeted..
I learnt to see the review of products first before buying, and also learnt to find out whether the product suitable for my skin or not..

Seriously, I slowly become addicted..
I love how make up could make me look more presentable, enhance my facial features, OH!! You know.. Make me look prettier la..
My confidence definitely boosted..
I feel more secure, I wouldn't worry about my market value if my boyfriend leave me..
LOL...

And somehow, make up had become a part of my life..
Make up make me happier after seeing my face become prettier of course..
A way for me to release stress..
Sometimes, it became my escape route from certain stressful events..
Provide me a safety zone, to escape or forget my worries temporary..
Allow me to prep myself to face stressful events..

And somehow, I indirectly influenced my friend into make up world..
WOW.. She even said she is thankful to have me in her life..
WAKAKA.. She is becoming more and more narcissistic..
HAHA..

There is no ugly women in the world.. Only the lazy lazy women..
SUPER TRUE man!!!

Before UNI..

YEAR ONE

YEAR TWO( O.<)*

and

YEAR THREEE....

So.. You see.. There's no ugly women..
Make up will totally transform you..
I used to think that make up if for QIAOPO (Girls desperate for guys' attention and pursue and itchy, according to my definition years ago)..
You know, immature thingking I used to have..
HAHA..

So, Why I make up?
Because I want to be beautiful and there is no wrong about that..
You may say I too highlighting the physical appearance, but, WE ARE HUMAN..
We form our first impression based on our appearance..
GUYS , GIRLS, AGUA or TB.. WE ARE ALL THE SAME!! (NO SEXUAL OREINTATION DISCRIMINATION intention..TQ)..
WE ALL FIRST SEE the appearance before we shift to observe attitude and behavior which require considerate amount of time..
I never say Physical appearance is everything but it is very important to our perceived body image and self-esteem..

People said, inner beauty is more important..
TRUE!!
But why not be beautiful inside out?
For me, Inner beauty is important as well as Outer (LOL) beauty..

HEHE.. Lengthy I know..
Thank you if anyone read this naggy and lengthy post..
KAMSAHAMIDA!!
ANnyeong Goodbye ADIOS!!!

Love yourself

Don't bother to ask anyone, anything or any year, month or day to be good to you..
You.. Yourself.. Should be good to yourself..

Love yourself..
Embrace your imperfections..
Flash your smile..
Unveil your inner beauty..
And go be beautiful inside out..

Not the first, not the last..

I know I am not the first person you thought of when you wake up, neither I am the last person you thinknof when you sleep..
But you are the first person I think of when i wake up, and when I sleep..

But, what can I do?
I am the only one care about this relationship..
You seems not to bother about it all..

Love is about give and take..
I give, and give..
You take, and take..

This relationship is too one-sided..
It ain't gonna last..

I know it..